Day 31: The End is Nigh

I missed my daily blog yesterday because of the wonderful unrest that surrounded us on the 30th. It was a taste of what is to come. The end will not be pretty or clean, it will be joyous and terrifying. Our instinct is crying for connection, screaming to all that and we can hear it. Personally, I experienced that taste of beautiful chaos, destruction, and fear. Where I live in the USA camp became an epicenter for protest and unrest over the murder of another African-American man by the death squad police who protect the status quo and a video incident of a white death squad member physically controlling an African-American man. I was unaware of the first day of protest except I knew something was going on because a helicopter was circling, it’s most annoying. We all know that means something is going on, the Great Eye of the Great Lie gazing. But it was uneventful. The next day I heard there would be another protest in front of the death squad station. We could see the people with signs walking past our place on their way to the station, most of them young kids. The helicopters arrived, the news on the ground steaming, death squads watching, keeping everyone safe. The crowd was fine, but did block highway traffic for a while, the death squads showing their restraint, the media said. Then, uh oh, someone spray painted the station and the order was given to disperse and tear gas followed, pepper spray fired from paintball guns hitting people, death squad helo broadcasting – this demonstration was deemed an unlawful gather due to criminal activity and must be dispersed. The crowd was unfazed. Their rage spilled over to increasing disobedience and significant damage to what civilization loves, like it loves Power, property. What I saw was unconstrained rage, joy, and a will to resist. Excellent disrespect for civilization without actual violence, they did not attack the death squad police or each other. They did not attack my place, though they parked all around us, but never came too close to me. I could hear the call…

I wanted to jump in so much, I could sense the joy and the fear. It was new for the people to defy the order and rage. I have been there and crave it here in my prison cell, but I was not alone. I was with my my loved ones who are not there. My instrict said be with your tribe best you can, even in hopelessness and rage. I held my vigil watching from a few hundred feet away and on a live stream on the internet of a strip mall we frequent getting destroyed. The death squads waited until they knew they had overwhelming force before they deployed and that took hours. Smashing, grabbing, laughing, and then burning. The death quads deployed and the people moved away. We watch the people who parked all around us leaving with their goodies and we saw many. It was fascinated and disturbed because chaos is not something we get much of here in the zoo, so when it comes, it hits hard in a disorienting way, a heighten way. They set cars and banks on fire. Big fire! The death squads waited, their tactics are strong. I felt the surge of intense energy, exhilarating. We held fast where we live, on our own. If we need help from our captors, there were none, we were completely on our own. Without a rope we continued our vigil supporting each other and those who took theirs into their own out in the darkness; with them and watching them. We know there is no safety here in the concentration camp.

The media informing us to watch out for the agitators, the anarchists, the bad seeds. They repeated it over and over… that they respect protest but the agitators are trying to take over. They are desperate to frame it to, this is okay, this is not, this is okay, this is not, this is okay, this is not. Murdering black people okay, rioting is not. Complaining with signs about the murdering of black people is okay, rioting because of the murdering of black people is not. Constructive aka ineffective and status quo supporting protest is okay, Explosive rage against the system of genocide and ecocide is not. 100% BULLSHIT as always. I would expect nothing less. The societal pretense of problem solving immediately produced in high definition with polished headers and scoring, always there making sense for us, lying to us about solving the race problem (the Jewish problem). Some claim that if we just made conditions better for the less fortunate slaves they will riot less, we all have to feel safe, awwww how cute and vicious. Lives matter aaaawwwwww, but they don’t.

We wedged in between the culture of maximum harm and despair… I witnessed people creating ruptures in chronological time that imprisons us all, I witnessed pain, stupidity, derision, rage, despair, resistance, fear, courage to stand fast in the face of Power, moments of overwhelming jouissance. It feels amazing to cross the threshold of oppression and break free even if for only an hour before Power comes to crush and exterminate. We can see how fragile civilization is and how powerful we are and lethal they are, they will not let us go. We know whats what and they will kill and kill, but as a pirate said on a tv show said, They can’t hang us all.

What inspired, in part, this daily blog was to write my thoughts out in one last insignificant expression to an uncaring place that never cared I existed except to use and abuse. A letter of love without restraint or constraint to no one, to any one, to everyone To live thoughtfully and love recklessly. My letter to my loved ones who I cherish infinitely. To share what has inspired, moved, influenced, and destroyed me. A whisper in the darkness for no one to hear, my letter that is meaningless, hopeless, joyous, and loving. My hopeless goal negation, abolition, and wild connection. I will end my daily blog now and leave you reader with more dank memes! The End is Nigh. I love you.

Day 30: Let the Flame – Burn Burn Burn

I can never do justice to this work Blessed is the Flame, I hope all who can will read it, study it, and see what they see. To understand how fucked we are is not as easy as one thinks, hope springs eternal. It is easy to use nihilism as a way to acquiesce from resisting and there are many ways to go docile and most are wonderfully pleasurable. We are trained, conditioned, tortured into belief in their reality. To break free from the lies can be a painful ordeal, the training is deep and layered and we are all here in the concentration camp. The anarcho-nihilist says, we are fucked, so fucked and this life system is irredeemable, there are no reforms, justice, better laws, acts that the system can do to make our stay in the camp “better”, the only response is negation. That question from The Flame:

To what extent do I remain attached to this society that I despise? What would it mean to sever those attachments? If this were Nazi Germany expanding out before me (it always has been), how would I live my life? What does it mean to resist such a catastrophically extensive and overwhelming system?

We are there and have always been so, civilization is colonization of slaves for it use. Power controls and engineers everything, we in a total domination system that would exterminate all of us to keep it self intact and does whenever it wishes. We learn by observing the madness that there is no why here in the daily running of the camp except that it is running, chugging along devouring the living world and we are powerless to doing anything about it, go back to bed, if you have one, and pretend gee golly willikers everything is going to be okay. This is everyday life. What The Flame tries and in my view, does successfully, is tapping into the instinctual rebelliousness of all those who resist even a little or a lot. To push into the tissues of organizations, affinity groups, and action, which most of these groups are bogged down in reality that they will all be murdered, incarcerated, or ideological disagreements. What most organizations speak to is the level of how much we lie to ourselves that we are doing anything and that if thing were just improved life would be better. All we have to do is make the system better and make good lifestyle choices. But more often than not the these fade into lives of despondency, alienation, and most peoples favorite boredom.

It speaks to the very nature of our domestication that we only choose resistance so long as it feels like something we can win.

If we can’t win why resist? What’s the point? most say. Who says there has to be a point? They say there does because everything is a means to ends, what use is it to our psychology (domestication at its finest). Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Nihilism Bitch.

Nihilism urges anarchists to embrace our feelings of cynicism around radical milieus, our feelings of boredom with prescribed methods of resistance, our hopelessness in the current landscape of domination, and engage in forms of revolt that cultivate immediate joy and moments of liberation.

Resistance ceases to be about results and winning, we will not win and there are no better conditions to this cesspool of living in a zoo. Making the zoo’s better is the same madness that made the zoo. There is no better zoo.

Resistance survives in the total domination system, in the total hopeless, and despair – disconnection – the horrors – rape – abuse – brutality – suicide – mass murder – extermination.

We see revolutions all over his-story and they are mostly exterminated or absorbed into new Power, better… the train of civilization continues…

Perhaps revolutions are an attempt by the passengers on this train… to activate the emergency break. Anarcho-nihilism replaces the program of historical acceleration with one of negation. Rather than moving ourselves quickly along the train tracks of history towards a socialist utopia, we must derail the train and rupture history itself.

Blam!!!! That’s it! Showpiecer and Cabin in the Woods, two ridiculous movies that show that one awful realization that is entire life system is FUBAR and there is no reformation. The train must be derailed, like the trains to Auschwitz this movement of history is heading to nowhere good and needs to be sabotaged at every possible turn. Fuck yes!

We are captured/interned on a train to nowhere good. What keeps us here? We are not simply captured physically, we are caught in three states of chronological awareness: despondency, futurity, and a paralyzing suspension in the present. Each is incredibly powerful for us and keeps us docile, paralyzed, and delusional. Chronological time is part of Lager (concentration camp) time/Every day life, the daily mindless grind, the myth of a future dangling just out of reach. For those who did not succumb to despair, the key to survival lay within the tension between Lager-time and suicidal despondency.

I have to keep going playing along to secure the future, for my better tomorrow, more stuff, better stuff, houses, travel, cars, sex, guns, and rock n roll, for my retirement; just keep playing along. Despair never far away because the promise is a toxic lie. Futurity is well packaged but there is nothing more powerful than that of The Child – the ultimate symbol of our commitment to the future – we must work now, we must compromise now, we must be patient now, in order to secure the well being of the next generation. I know this one very well. They call it reproductive futurity, we must play along for the children and future children. This effectively keeps us from negating our paralyzing presentism. It is highly effect, especially for those who have children. We know this extremely well and even when they kill our children and they do in so many ways, we continue. We are hostage because there is no one else to care for our children if we are taken. We exist telling ourselves the lie that if I just be good and play along they won’t come for me or my children, but this entire way of life has us. We are hostage to the future and fear of the unknown. This is a mirage and as we look closer the end is the end.

Instead, nihilism asks us to cut ourselves from any attachment to reproductive futurity, and instead fight, hopeless, to tear our lives away from that expanding horizon and and to erupt with wild enjoyment now.

Every where we see cracks and we can create ever greater ruptures in the Great Lie, in chronological time, is despondency, the tyranny of the present, and the lies of a better world; each rupture an insurrectionary possibility.

Do the anarchist nihilist see Wallace and my loved one as working to stop time? A way out? Succumbing to the despondency?

When anarcho-nihilism urges us to abandon those chronological modes, it is in essence asking us to sever all ties to the continuation of society and work instead to negate its existence. In this rupture we find a richness of life unimaginable within the existing order.

Embrace the hopeless fight to detail the train! Resist any way you can!

There’s no need to know what’s happening tomorrow to destroy a today that makes you bleed (quoted from The Flame from In Cold Blood).


We see this today as the abused and exterminated peoples of America rising up and burning!!!!!!

Nihilism is the incredulous voice whispering impossible questions: Are we toxically attached to the idea that we can build a new world in the shell of the old one, despite overwhelming evidence that points towards the impossibility of that happening? Are we stuck in a model of time that binds us to the reproduction of society and endlessly defers incendiary action? . . .the voice at the Warsaw Ghetto train station whispering, these trains are bound for an extermination center; the voice in the Lagers definitively proclaiming, “no one is going to save us.”

No one is coming to save us, no one is going to make life better in the concentration camp. Want another IPhone?

Create the ruptures! Rupture the beLIEf!

How intense, terrifying, painful, joyous, playful, awake, enraged, wild, free;


Burn Mother fucker burn!!!

Day 29: Nihilism, David Foster Wallace, and Suicide Part 2 – The Flame

Nihilism is not at ideology, you don’t believe in it, you see it, how fucked this dimensional reality is and that is it no more real then the self that sees itself in the virtual reality of thought. It is does not create, it is a negation, the stripping away the membrane between us and all that it. No question this awareness can be crippling for us because we are trained to want to believe so badly that when the illusion is dissolved emptiness is experienced as a shattering, and it is but Socrates(Plato) told me that it is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied, but no ones buys that and it is very much the inverse. It the clique, life changing realized in deconstructing the Great Lie, but this those true believers the despondency over takes. I did not know David Foster Wallace, but I am of the similar strain of breed human and in these years I have returned to him and suicide, especially the latter. As I said, someone I love deeply took their life a few years ago and smashed what little there was left of the lie that I live. As for DFW, a YouTube video suggested that Wallace put his suicide note in his book, a main character that is suggested that it is him and in the book show DFW’s isms. As Field’s says, an honest probe into the human condition leads one to make very unflattering conclusions about our species. This a very nice way of saying that if you look underneath the lies, we begin to see something else.

The deeper we go the closer we get to horrors that are so painful and unfathomable and the list is endless and require little narrative to experience the impact….see that evil coming on? The scarcity of hope becoming nil.

And darker…

And darker…

We see ourselves as the monsters…

Allow me to suggest that Wallace looked deeply into what humanity has done and seen the horrors, not only do we see it one realizes they are it. Most people say, that is them, the bad people, I am one of the good guys, just, nonjudgmental, compassionate, unbiased, unbigoted, and devoid of patriarchy. I would never do anything to abuse and exploit life. But is easy to discovery that we are collaborators in every way, the system has it built in and there is no escape..


It is not difficult to sucked into this identity, this role of the bad guy, the stained, the irredeemable, it happens to us all, pulled into the moral abyss and it takes us and we believe. We are trained to live in a mediated realty – what I think (reality through thought and language) must be all that is – making sense is what creates me, who I am. Yet, it is not real, but those lost in it, it is. But reality is not what we think it is, it’s not thought. I sense that Wallace and my loved one got caught in the abyss. Wallace unlike my loved one, perhaps saw that he was as much a monster as any white male, affluent, privileged, and completely self-absorbed. Combine an awareness of monstrosity of civilization, self, and nihilism can take anyone to the heights of despair (also the title of a book). We are trapped and it the darkness surrounds us.

In the immensely profound book Blessed is the Flame: an introduction to concentration camp resistance and anarcho-nihilism provides us a dark truth few can show well and what those in such dire straights, which we are, can do to resist. This book opened me up like few other books have. It shows us a fascinating and devastating understanding of anarcho-nihilism in relation to those in the Nazi concentration camps that utilized slave labor for those marked for extermination. Prison labor camps that were also death camps. There is a significant parallel that is made in civilization and the total domination system we are captive too. The author does not think we are in a concentration camp and I understand that we are not technically in camps, but we are concentrated imprisoned to towns and cities; it civilization or death. Granted we are not is camps that have poisonous showers (except in communities that have fraking near by) that have ovens to dispose of the bodies (except the mortician) that are directly intended to kill, yet our water is tainted, our food is toxic, our air is polluted, and we are enslaved to industrial civilization. The anarcho-nihilist nods affirmatively to each point and says,

we are fucked. The current manifestation of human society (civilization, leviathan, industrial society, global capitalism, whatever) is beyond salvation, and so our response to it should be one of unmitigated hostility…the path to resistance is pure negation.

Yep! The question we all wrestle with: To what extent do I remain attached to this society that I despise? What would it mean to sever those attachments? If this were Nazi Germany expanding out before me (it always has been), how would I live my life? What does it mean to resist such a catastrophically extensive and overwhelming system?

What ta to what ta do???

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm Joker?

I think someone is listening….

A man poses for photos in front of a fire at an AutoZone store, while protesters hold a rally for George Floyd in Minneapolis on Wednesday, May 27, 2020. Violent protests over the death of the black man in police custody broke out in Minneapolis for a second straight night Wednesday, with protesters in a standoff with officers outside a police precinct and looting of nearby stores. (Carlos Gonzalez/Star Tribune via AP)

Day 28: Nihilism, David Foster Wallace, and Suicide Part 1.

Its not overstating that philosophy itself is a few thousand year old sublimation, an ongoing coercive of Power to say this is what is and it taxes those captured, the resistors, and the henchmen/shamans who prop it up in everyday life – civilization – progress – technology – modernity. Yet, this shining light of truth, the saving grace of civilization is not what it claims to be and supposed outcome of progress is a guise for something else, Power and its many worshipers. The radical skeptics, cynics, and nihilists challenge the reality of Power along with the anarchists. These threats to civilization are portrayed as a failure of faith in Power, power of human intellect to protect reality that is crafted for them, the shinning light of truth and certainty that we are what is – the divine right of those bathing in God’s love and the messianic fervor of bring the holy word to bare; without intellect we cannot understand the Gods, God, the world or our place in it, it starts in the Platonic wonder but has ended in memes. . .

At the height of my shamanic training nearing some ten years ago, I came a cross a book written for the masses by two Harvard philosophers titled All Things Shinning and it presents the contemporary nihilism of too many choices as the core threat to meaningfulness in a sea of frivolous choices and kitsch. They point to Nietzsche’s nihilism that breaks the lies of certainty, it frees us to be who we are joyously. Yet, for many this freedom is horrifying because they see it as anything goes; nihilism doesn’t make things better, it makes us lost, sad face. Why don’t things shine anymore? It’s the fucking postmodern assholes and the fucking nihilists douchebags!

They introduce me to the David Foster Wallace, as an example of a nihilism most power in our culture. Who was he? I didn’t know him. They explain that he was hailed as the greatest fiction writer of our time and very famous. I had not really heard of him because he wrote fiction, which I did not read much of in my time. Why was this famous genius eccentric writer selected as a nihilist? He is their example of having it all, a white man brought up very well – highly educated – exceptionally talented writer, a beautiful wife, quite famous, and extremely successful in his field – Wallace hangs himself in 2008 at 46. What!? How can we make sense of our best and brightest killing themselves? This question haunts civilization like the Shoah and the many atrocities that his-story shows us. Oh of course the standard explanations where deployed, he was a depressive, lost, cynical, sad, joyless, suffering the burden of genius, etc. They explain and explain that his search for truth led him to despair and the Wallace-Nietzschean approach that lends to a madness of trying to become gods, the Übermensch, superman ends them to that suicidal despondency NIHILISM!!! that finishes them.

I got his books, massive and didn’t care for his cumbersome writing. I always want to go back and read them but never do. I appreciate the themes I read about from other synopsis, they sounded Camus-esk; How do we survive the monotony of everyday life – boredom, the deep feelings of meaninglessness, the survival sickness? The Sisyphean reality of life in civilization – pushing the rock up the hills and watching it fall for the time we exist here. Camus straight up asks us, why not suicide? His answer is stand fast motherfucker and don’t let them kill you inside, resist.

It is easy to imagine everyone thinks about suicide in their time simply because we learn of this as an option, an ending. Everyone is touched by it in some way, I have been profoundly. It is a topic close to me as someone I love did this most horrifically. Narratives aside and all the bullshit explanations, we know there is something wrong here and Wallace saw it like anyone who looks and looks deeply, its absolutely absurd. Yet, the making of meaning is that mediation the shamans protect more anything and meaninglessness meaning despair; whoa paradox man! But its not, it thought thinking thought and we think we can’t live without thought (you thot), it is a trap!

Back to DFW, there is a great deal of speculation about his suicide and the authors imply along with others that what he was trying to show with his skills set overwhelmed him and some say it was his desperation and inability to finish his last work that sent him over. But a recent article questions some of the ‘He was depressed” narratives of Wallace’s suicide. Wallace was as complex human as we all are here in disconnectionland, and he was everything an affluent educated white man can be; some say his work suggests he was racist, homophobic, misogynist, and others say he was violent in his relationships blah blah blah. We are all monsters here in the concentration camp. But the thesis of writer Aiden Fields is far more interesting,

I’m sure there were many factors in play, in my opinion, one of the major ones is this: an honest probe into the human condition leads one to make very unflattering conclusions about our species. Even if the conclusions are factual, they evoke such ire when mentioned in public that one is scorned for even having these thoughts. I could see how fears of being vilified sapped David’s willingness to be forthright about his views. I could see how he felt fraudulent for having to tailor his work and censor himself to appease a paying audience.

Pressure is a powerful thing, we all know it well, shut the fuck up and tow the line or else. For Wallace to speak out runs the danger of being assassinated not merely physically, but on the internet in a millions billions ways and that can be so incredibly brutal that people are crushed, especially psychologically sensitive people. The phrase “going viral” in the time of pandemic is ironic, Wallace did not like irony I read, but it shows us how truly toxic civilization is on every level. It feels gross to tow the line when you know its empty platitudes, teachers know this better than anyone, they are also the greatest collaborators, some even know it. Its painful and the pressure builds. Fields goes on to say,

The larger question this raises is, how often do we say what we honestly think? How often are our day-to-day activities enlivening us? How do we reach a point where being upfront about our thoughts and lifestyle doesn’t ruin us professionally and personally?

That is how they get you, if you want to have food you have to play the game. The best artists know this since they know art is there because we are in distress. Art is a distress call. Some say every writer is trying to show their dis-ease in their work like a jester shows us the cruelty of society yet we laugh because we can see it.

It isn’t surprising that, in America, we’re seeing increasing rates of opiate overdoses, mass shootings, and mental illness. People’s lives are mightily constrained by financial and social pressures, and they’re limited in their ability to manage and communicate their plight.

That word constrained is the one that says it all. I am not supposed to say we are prisoners in a concentration camp and it is a horrific misery, its not merely that I am saying but that we are all actually constrained in every aspect of our existence, a zoo existence – I can’t say that I could get in trouble, loose my job, be blackballed, and so on. To blasphemy like this can have consequences. Many would say, if that is how you really feel to should leave. Because they think there is some choice of some other place to go; just get a better job, bigger tv, more stuff, better car, more more more will make us feel better. The Culture of Maximum Harm never lets us go and we explode. We can become so docile that we don’t see the fences anymore, the layers of constraint smash us. And not is it not surprising that there are more and more people people dosing themselves, exploding, and losing it because everyday life in the camp constrain us to a degree that is nearly unlivable and we know it. Compassion is not allowed because it is a weakness, a sentiment that does not tow the line of productivity and make this cesspool great again. I will close with a quote that I read in an article in a big news paper about a woman who was raped and the response of her community as she accused the man, “Vulnerability sometimes begets blood lust and revulsion, even in seemly ordinary people.”

Yes, yes it does…

Day 27: Why is Nihilism my friend, but not yours?

People want to believe in ideas as much as they want to breath and when their belief are destroyed by say deeper inquiry and maybe nihilism, thats bad. Yet, one of the greatest things one can do for each other is (and especially for those we love) is show them how full of shit they are – intentionally or not. But this is not simply in the ego sense of someone thinking they are something they are not, like someone thinking they are a nice person but they are are a prick, it more about showing them how they cling to ideologies to get them through the day – sublimation. We all know how it is to have our thought systems/mediations/sublimations demolished; No Santa!? WTF!!! No Easter Bunny!? No God!?!? No Beneficent Government!?!? His-story is a rape/murderfest of genocide and total domination!?!?! Civilization is a Concentration Camp!?!? Consciousness is disconnection!?!?!?!?! I am completely fucked!?!?!?!

Oh that hurts! It hurts to see what we think is reality is part of a sort of simulation, a prison of disconnection -> Thinker <–> Thought = Separation; the awareness of The Great Lie, we are captives to a fictitious future, slaves to Power, livestock for use; in a concentration camp, empty, hollow, and meaningless. Uh oh! That is some stinkin thinkin people!

Shrouded in darkness we fall to despair, what one thinker called evil: negatively saturated phenomena – the scarcity of hope. This is the great threat, to lose hope so desperately that suicidal despondency manifests, the will to live is extinguished. That be that – clean our hands in the void and be done. For many the loss of meaning is catastrophic and it is unquestionably because the training is so deep that we live in that state of it can really be this way; this can’t be happening; this makes no sense. If one stays there the toxicity finishes the job, by stay I suggest discursive thought, the mediated symbolic thought that is the structure that tells us how to make sense, without it there is nothing – that shitty nihilism that fucks up my joy in watching football and MMA porn, eating healthy processed food, while having the freedom to vote for good leaders to make the world a better place. That evil! It leaves us nothing to cling on to and make us feel good. Yet, it is the inverse really, in that nothing is not nothing since we are still there believing hence the despair, we are trained to only see through the filter and without any filter is annihilation (remember that’s bad! Or worse Buddhist!) the empty, catatonic, the red ring of death, system failure, screen goes blank, hardware with no software, a metaphier without an metaphrand! We are lost lost, like really lost, the world unmade. Yes, maybe just maybe this the result – Game over man! Total fuckednessthe horror the horror … the darkness is now … Nihilism is not your friend.

Or is it?

It is if there is nothing other than thought systems – filters – mediation. Yet at a very profound level we know this is not so. We are not only to live through mediation and nor do we require it to live.

Day 26: Is Nihilism my friend?

For civilized shamans, there is perhaps no greater threat then Nihilism. Why is this?

Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy. While few philosophers would claim to be nihilists, nihilism is most often associated with Friedrich Nietzsche who argued that its corrosive effects would eventually destroy all moral, religious, and metaphysical convictions and precipitate the greatest crisis in human history. In the 20th century, nihilistic themes–epistemological failure, value destruction, and cosmic purposelessness–have preoccupied artists, social critics, and philosophers. Mid-century, for example, the existentialists helped popularize tenets of nihilism in their attempts to blunt its destructive potential. By the end of the century, existential despair as a response to nihilism gave way to an attitude of indifference, often associated with antifoundationalism.

Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy

Nihilism like any idea/belief it can take you to places that render you inert, paralyzed by the thought of it, or make us unstable and dangerous to other ideas/beliefs. Nihilism is portrayed by the civilized shamans as a toxic, spurious, and dangerous; a philosophy of nothingness that manifests in and from failure that leads to despair and suicidal despondency. Nietzsche gets this label because he smashes the civilized shamans with a hammer and leaves them for dead. He is one the most loved and hated thinkers in the last one hundred years and he is surrounded by controversy for a number of reasons. In my shamanistic training, he was not well thought of, yet a force because he questioned and questioned mercilessly the world view that makes the world, the world – the ideologies of reality, knowledge, and morality/religion – the foundations of civilization. The canon of western thought was in his sights and subjected it to the most corrosive skepticism. What made many the shaman dismiss him or take him less seriously was that he did not clearly replace what he broke. He laid waste to world views and most of all religion.

He killed God! Not really but he did bust up the metaphysics and epistemology of religion and much of philosophy’s/civilization’s most cherished ideologies. Both the religion and secular world views were dismantled before their eyes.

Nihilism is born of the collapse of of myth. – Raoul Vaneigem

The mythology of modernity – civilization are torched by the severe cynicism that is nihilism. In a sense that every time we impose thought systems of living, the nihilistic will shred the mountains of assumptions that are present in doing so. The cynic says, these are bullshit platitudes, like loyalty and sacrifice; the nihilist show quite unconvincingly that to be loyalty to king and country is but folly and the reality is closer to the reality that people are slaves and cannon fodder for those wealthy to say that they are wealthy because God wants them to be. The poor is poor because they are supposed to be poor, the subhumans are inferior in breeding and require management. This is racist/eugenics nonsense that justifies mass murder. Yet what makes the nihilist unconvincing is that people will dismiss it or see it as a threat because they have to.

Thought systems require symbolic structure, a logic that creates meaning that serves it purpose of mediation. To destroy a foundational ideology without another ideology readily available to put in place is catastrophic. Like the loss of a monarch and no clear heir, shit goes bad. The paradigm shift to nowhere, to the immediate.

Is nihilism my friend? Oh yes, yes it is very much so…

Day 25: AnNIHILator

A teacher I know well once asked after I responded to a question with significant critical thought that created some good negation of a narrative that most hold on to. He asked me, “Does your understanding of the world take away from your experiencing joy in your life?” A near thoughtful question because he asked about joy and not happiness, though I have little doubt he would see them as the same. What he meant that by going into dark places am I not diminished by what I find. Is the joy of life taken by seeing the horror of everyday life in the concentration camp? When you think a bit, its the question; is it better to know the truth about the lie or remain ignorant and create more lies (of course that are all created for you)? Is it better to know one is a slave or believe one is free to make choices – Matrix? Let me go farther; Is it better to buy into the meaninglessness of narratives then have to be in meaninglessness. Is better to be in psychological sublimation to get through life and try to avoid what some fear most – nihilism.

…all Western philosophy, is civilized shamanism – a continuation of the shamanistic quest for a higher mode of being – by new methods adapted to the requirements of urban life .

– Norman O. Brown

All of philosophy is a shamanism for those marooned in consciousness. Explanations, narratives, thought systems are constructed sublimation of disconnection, separation, dualism. Sublimation is a profound thing, they are the manufactured defense against pain of what has been taken from us. To make sense is itself the separateness that requires a meaning. This could be the core of consciousness the simulation that we understand as self.

All thinking is nothing but a detour, departing from the memory of a gratification and following byways till it reaches the cathexis of identical memory.

– Sigmund Freud

Dare I say this is connection, integration, thoughtless, meaninglessness, unmediated, instinctive, wild, feral – all that is as one – damn monists – but more. Some say this is the true goal of psychoanalysis, the search for lost connection to all that is, to the life in captivity and breaking the training of what is called the Primal Crime – trauma of disconnection, the immense disturbance of being stressed into consciousness. Not a way to do better in the concentration camp of civilization. So is sublimation/fantasy the toxic that pollutes us? It is the result of the ongoing breaking of us. Does this led a type of radical nihilism? Is nihilism connection, the immediate, the feral? Paradox? That is not allowed! The collapse of fantasy is despair. That’s bad! Is it? Is joy lost in the end of fantasy? Joy is not happiness, I think how we use happiness is a weaponized version of joy, of play, of silliness. The wild immediate is naked, bare – where is the despair? A stateless state. Whoa! Or maybe a state without hallucination, which could be consciousness. There is nothing easy here – to grapple with ununderstanding and the absurdity of this dimensional reality. The work of here in the concentration camp is not to be a shaman, but to be the annihilator of them.


Day 23: Relationship

I think we are apt to forget that our society, the culture in which we live, which has conditioned us, is the result of human endeavor, conflict, human misery and suffering. Each one of us is that culture; the community is each one of us – we are not separate from it. To feel this, not as an intellectual idea or a concept, but to actually feel the reality of this, one has to go into the question of what is relationship; because our life, our existence, is based on relationship. Life is a movement in relationship. If we do not understand what is implied in relationship, we inevitably not only isolate ourselves, but create a society in which human beings are divided, not only nationally, religiously, but also in themselves and therefore they project what they are into the outer world. – J.Krishnamurti

Life is a movement in relationship, K says so wonderfully and with clarity. There can be no premise for relationship, no use, no purpose. We experience that in the raw wildness of our awareness of the sensual. The movement of our Being within all that is. I sense it and there are no words since it is uncapturable, uncontrollable, unthinkable, unconquerable. It is only in disconnection we are separated from what is, where life, death, and time cease. It is what is. We are lost to that by the conditionings of systems, prisons of experiencing. We are trapped in thought thinking thought, like endless webs that loss us in narratives that divide us from what is, all that is. The Great Lie builds up walls to constrain and interpret experiencing with ever greater complexity that fragments and fractures without end rendering relationship contingent on engineering simulation systems not experiencing. Al-Hallaj has a suggestion,

Throw everything you have into the fire, even your shoes. When you have nothing more, think not even of a shroud and throw yourself naked into the fire. – Al-Hallaj

Do I really have to burn everything? I sense that, I just might. I sense the joy of going all in, letting go, a sort of purification of freeing ourselves from the lies. To purge self and see only what is. To empty thoughts, filters, separation. The veil between being and non-being removed, a return to what is. To breakthrough the barriers. This Being all that is without fracture. What is always with us but we cannot see. This is experiencing relationship.

The way we are, we are members of each otherAll of usEverything. The difference ain’t in who is a member and who is not, but in who know it and who don’t. – Hildegard von Bingen

This is relationship, not relating to, identifying with, liking, but awareness to relationship with all that is. Some know it and some don’t. Experiencing all that is. It is with us as we are with each other outside of time always moving.

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

Day 22: We are doing important work here…

For over 20 years, I have lamented and lamented about the lie of psychology as a field, and as a source of compassion for injured people. As someone inside the field and a so-called practitioner I have observed the what writer Upton Sinclair once said, “It’s difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understand it.” There is perhaps no greater statement more spot on about psychiatrists/psychologists, therapists, and mental health practitioners (who I see as some of the henchmen of society) then this statement. You ask most anyone in the caring professions and they will tell you they believe and more importantly, their culture tells them, they are doing a good thing helping people get better and then bitch about how little they get paid. Yet, they do not see what they are really doing and they cannot. The blindness is by design, since the henchmen are taught they are the good guys; helping and caring. Yes, they are helping civilization keep their property functional so they can be further exploited. This is social engineering at it is most deceptive.

A co-worker said to me, “I believe we are doing important work here.” I said to them rather dangerously, “We will be seen in the future, as we see Nazi’s today.” She did not respond any further. As well she shouldn’t have since I would have happily attempted to destroy her bad faith and the delusion that what we do in the mental health field is anything other than support the dominant culture through coercion and manipulation. To openly criticize the caring professionals is terribly dangerous for anyone inside the field because critical thought is seen as being negative, and that could lose you your job.

The work that is done is as important as the prison guard’s work to the prison. It is important to convince people who do not conform (not being controlled or not functioning or following the expectations) to conform (to follow). This is the essential work of mental health practitioners to use coercion techniques to get so-called low functioning/skilled people to function better so the culture can use them better. For civilization, function/use is a core value. If you have no function you are of no use, no value and we all know what that means.



For the henchmen, it does not faze them if you question them because they believe that there is something wrong with the individual person, thus they need correction, reeducation, skills, and of course medication. What if they were absolutely fine just the way they are? This question seems inconceivable by the dominant culture, thus for the henchmen they will never ask themselves if it is the culture that creates the fiction of mental illness. Teachers are very similar this way since they are part of the coercion system in a near identical way, as they promote only the status quo and the lies of the culture – the control and uniformity model given to them by the dominant culture. They don’t ask about the models they believe them uncritically as if it were a near universal truth. The interventionist mentality is not unlike the religious zealot seeking to convert and purify the human being to their way of existing. The closed ideology looks to only desired outcomes – conformity, control, and functionality. That is what help means to all institutions. The pretense of there being some disease or the people are somehow disabled is part of the lie of the dominant culture has created to justify the practices of coercion to control. The more the “client” conforms the more the henchmen show their worth. What you will find more often than not is that everyone is in collusion, it’s like they can all wink and nod to each other like grifter’s do. The mark is worked over “mortified” as the sociologist Erving Goffman would say. The victim is made to play along with the con and no one is the wiser since no one is really watching anyway. To get the client to accept their abuse like the fabled Stockholm syndrome and identify with the abusers.  The narrative is spun constantly – we compassionate caregivers are working to cure the diseased invalid so they can be happy, healthy, and productive individuals. This what philosophers call bullshit, Erich Fromm called it The Great Sham (though he may disagree with my assessment) because it is simply made up, a fabrication, a lie based on a narrative of disease, help, and care – the cure that is extremely deformed and straight out false. They help break their resistance to their oppressor and accept/love their servitude, cured! That is what treatment means, a designed technique to wear the person down; to teach/train/indoctrinate/colonize/domesticate the subject into conforming/accepting (be thankful and love you oppressors) the controls or get more treatment – drugs/internment/incarceration. Important work and the guardians of civilization, like the inquisitors, like secret police, like political officers can wear many different robes. These are the mid-level social engineers, the social enforcers: Don’t you want to be happy? 

When anybody says to me, “I’m here to help,” things invariably get worse. – The Outsider